everything still hurts-

And things aint smooth, my mood still wasnt rlly gd. Nobody know the absence of my mind and the pain got so diff. It used to be painful, so filled with misery yet now it's so numb that i don't feel any pain when i see the blood drip. The beautiful reminisc is gone and now it's all abt torture. Roses withered and everything is going downwards. What's in the past can nvr come back again. Can't pick myself up anymore, not the strong girl you used to see and smile. I know i'm diplomatic and emotional, yet no one understands- Times have changed, not the one you used to see smiling around, laughing abt small things but blood, agony and depressing person.
You don't see me sigh-ing , yes, only smiles that fakes everything. My feeling of being left-out is always with me, i would nvr fail to hear the soul beside me breath, it was such a cold air that made me feel like crying.
And i screwed my maths test today ! Bah. I'm so fking freaked out. i studied for it early in the morning when i'm on the way to school laa. I rarely study for maths okay. I'm gna fail, im so bloody dissapointed in myself. Nothing but usual happened in school today.
Now i looked at ian, so filled with sympathy.
I heard that this was what weiying and his conv were by joan :
Weiying : '' Ba-la ! Your birthday coming, what you want ? ''
Ian : '' Can you give me anything i asked ? ''
Weiying : '' Try luhs . ''
Ian : '' I want my ah-gong ! ''
I felt like crying that particular moment, but when i see his cheerful smile , i cant help but smile too. He's probably trying to act strong in front of everyone. But i'm rather corncerned, i hope he won't fall but smile, i know he's grandfather wouldnt want to see him so sad .
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A big kiss for CHUA SIMIN ! She's so dear to me, i would like to thk her so much. muacks lady. <3